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Thursday, 15 September 2011

better to blog than say

somebody asked what i aim for in life. i am sure i must have got him confused with my aimless ways of normal existence - as i think it is. well, i started thinking when he asked, like i always do - while speaking – of course. and, ended up finding something unique and not-so-alarmingly-great.

"well i have a direction, some goals, and i am not sure what more i can say."

he believed being a journalist and an artist must not be easy – “i think you must concentrate more on art as it is not that everyone is gifted with this.”

i am not sure how anyone can say that unless he plans to sponsor my needs ;). 'who will fund my art, if i give up my job?' he seemed ok with that answer. but continued prodding, “that there must be something more than this - your current life is a 5-9 daily drill - where you seem to have made all sorts of sacrifice to be in a land far away for an artist or a journalist, just because your partner's career seems happier here. and look at you, you guys have even kept the baby plans on hold."

he seemed to be really worried for us. just like the bangladeshi 'maid' man [read the blog before the previous one] who came to help me clean teh house after onam, early this week.

now i had to clear a few things to to him cos walking away is not my style anymore with some ppl i care for. "its not like you think it is. though, you are right abt hubby's career guesses."

i did not come to dubai to be a grt journalist or artist. i am not so ambitious like i must have got you into beliving by making it to big media corporations/breaking news'/solo art shows etc... they wr all sm time back...when i was still defining the reason for my existnce. anyway i don’t agree on taking up a battle of leading the pack in today's mad rat race for survival - for that matter any battle. any debate - if you think we are heading towards one - might just be agreed upon while i continue doing what i want to. i know i am a bit crazy, a bit lazy and will remain so a bit here and there. my goal perhaps it to just have some fun while leartning newer aspects of things around me. i love my life - have always loved it despite the challenges.

i don’t know how to connect everything like a megalomaniac and then fall flat on the face. megalomaniacs are greatly talented people but those who fail are those with no clarity.

this baby question should ideally not bother someone like me who has big scary eyes that can roll/pop and give hostile stares to beat the s*** out of anyone ... when they try getting under my skin… but it not easy to do that to everyone [especially if its a virtual conversation on gtalk ;)].

not that i will buckle under pressure to say sweet/peaceful answers… nor will we have a baby sooner to get rid of the prodders [who, i bet will find something else to prod]. i have had the tendency of fighting my blues by running the other side and troubling the worried warriers more ;).

it all began in my teens - a long long time ago when i was brave and foolish. i still retin some of those qualities unlike other soberly mature souls around me. i never joined the crowd under pressure - has been a constant during my defining moments so far.

people r still stuck to what they believe r bests – i cant understand what their purpose is when they think they have the right to worry on my behalf. what makes them think i know lesser than they do - medicine or life!? some of the prodders are a decade younger to me. what they think is smart to ask just unfortunatly reflects their un-smart/lousy rather immature selves.

it is not good to generalise that every girl must marry and produce kids immediately before the biological clock stops!!! we all have a pace/purpose to do certain things. i may pop a cake out of the oven faster than you, you may pop a baby out sooner - so let us not compare. we definitely have unique perspectives – let peace be!

u might genuinely be worried out of habit/societal pressures/traditions that go a long way back to how you wr brought up/wr u wr brought up/who brought you up/how you evaluate life and joys/ learning/ evolving etc… but for me it is out right interference into my personal/private life which is not in the public purview for everyone to come and have an open debate/dig.

my life is my own business. i am thankfully not an attention seeking celebrity for christ sake – and don’t subject me to being one unnecessarily with all these curious prods ;).

i am terrible at drawing comparisons - as you just noticed how i tend to get the baby and the cake together.

everyone who is worried for me can be safely advised to get a life and leave me alone - in simple words. even though its better blogged than said is the truth! sigh! :)

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